Speaker 1 0:08

This is the Ultimate Advisor Podcast, the podcast for financial advisors who want to create a thriving, successful and scalable practice. Each week we’ll uncover the ways that you can improve your referrals, your team, your marketing, and your business operations, helping you to level up your advising practice, bring in more assets and create the advising practice that you’ve dreamed of. You’ll be joined by our hosts Bryan sweet, who is moving fast towards a billion dollars in assets under management, Brittany Anderson, the driving force for advisors looking to improve their operations and company culture, and Draye Redfern who can help you systematize and automate your practices marketing to effortlessly attract new clients. So what do you say? Let’s jump in to another amazing episode of The Ultimate advisor podcast.

Brittany Anderson 1:07

Welcome back to your Ultimate Advisor Podcast, Brittany Anderson here again with Draye Redfern and Bryan Sweet. And we’re continuing on this journey of talking about some of the biggest habits of the most successful people out there. So we’ve we’ve started off and we’ve talked about how it’s important to absorb information to expand your knowledge and capabilities. Then we went into saying no, and how you really should say no to most, so that you can say yes to the most important. And now today, we’re going to talk a little bit about probably the most important component to this mini series. And that’s in not giving your time and attention to the naysayers. So there are a lot of people out there as you’re on your quest for success. And again, success by whatever definition you want to put behind it. But when you’re on that quest for success, there are going to be people who look at you and say, you are out of your mind. When you think about and speak to some of your biggest dreams, it can be really easy to downplay what you want in front of other people for fear of being judged, or from fear of being looked at, like you’re crazy. I actually did an exercise recently with it happened to be a group of women. And we were talking about what would be their one thing, their one big thing that if they could accomplish it in their lives, that would make them feel fulfilled, where they could, you know, be taken away by the good Lord tomorrow, and they would be okay with it. And it was such an interesting conversation because every single one of these women downplayed as though they’re like, well, this might sound silly. Well, this might be kind of stupid. Well, this might not be for everybody. And finally, I had to stop it and go, Whoa, what is with the downplay, and I will tell you time and time again, it’s because we’re fearful of what others might think or say about what we want most. So when you think about some of the most successful people, people you admire, people, you look up to people that are maybe in the spotlight in some capacity, I’d be hard pressed to say that they’ve ever let anybody’s naysaying or negativity caused them not to pursue what they want most. And I say this, give myself as an example, you know, a small town girl from rural Southern Minnesota, who was raised by a single mom who literally had just enough to get us by, can grow up to now just be named president and a partner in a multimillion dollar business. And I’ve got three small kids at home. And we’re working on collectively with Bryan and Draye right alongside other business ventures. If I can do it, you can 100% do it. So I think the first thing we need to do is give ourselves permission to dream big and permission to see what’s possible, so that the naysayers don’t hold us back or cause us to stop in our tracks. You know, there’s great advice. And I’ve seen seen this one kind of circulate, I guess, on social media. But you know, one of the first steps when you think about ignoring the naysayers or ignoring people who may have some sort of negative perspective towards your life and what you’re pursuing and what you define as success, you have to remember not to ask for advice from anybody whose life you wouldn’t want to replicate. So I think that’s something that we have to be cautious of as individuals is that, you know, there may be people in your life who absolutely you know, they do love you and, you know, they want to give their opinion when asked. And the bottom line is, is people don’t always understand where you’re headed, and what you define as success. So just because they don’t see something as possible, it doesn’t mean that it’s not possible for your life. So that’s really what this session or this episode is dedicated to as well are the things that you can put in place to block out the negativity, to block out the noise, to not allow the people who maybe don’t understand your vision for the future so that you don’t get waylaid? You know, it’s important to realize that not every single person has your best interest at heart. And it doesn’t make them bad people, it just means that they maybe don’t understand why you’re pursuing what you’re pursuing, and what your drive is. So Bryan, you and I have had lengthy conversations around this, I think this is such an important topic. And I would love for you just to share, you know, over the course of your career, maybe some examples of when somebody told you things that weren’t possible and how you overcame that.

Bryan Sweet 5:40

Yeah, this is, I mean, I tried to think of the magnitude of this, but I think back when you’re a little kid, and you want to be everything, and do everything and be an astronaut, and then as time goes on, you go to school, and, and all of a sudden, all our ambitions, kind of go by the wayside. And part of it is because people think you can’t do different things. And so there’s this saying that says, things start out as impossible and then they become improbable, until they’re inevitable. And that is so true. And fortunately for me, and I, not sure if it was my aunt and uncle or who exactly, but I have, for most of my life, I have always had a big belief in myself. And unfortunately, I haven’t listened a lot. I can’t say ever, to people that said you can’t do something, especially when it came to business oriented things, maybe more in sports, and those kinds of things where maybe I don’t excel as well as I could have. But it’s an amazing thought process that happens when you start listening to people that say you can’t do anything. And if you hear it enough, it’ll have this terrible consequence, because you’ll start believing them. And the opposite is also very true, that if you listen to somebody that says you can do something, it’ll actually give you amazing confidence that you can do that. And I’ve looted to this story before, but I was on a Raymond James conference, and the president of the company, this is before I was a member of their, quote, unquote, top group called the chairman’s counsel. He said, Bryan, I think you have everything it would take to be one of the top advisors at Raymond James. And literally within 12 months, I was that because he gave me permission. Now, consequently, if he would have said, you know, you really don’t have anything that it takes, and you to think that you could be one of the Chairman’s council guys would, you know, you’d be, you know, nutty, I’d probably believe that too. And I’ve never hit the levels of production that I’ve hit. So one, be really careful what you’re telling other people. So if you’ve ever been a naysayer to anybody else, think through that, because people are going to take that to heart. But the other big thing is, don’t spend a lot of time with anybody like that. Because that’s like the, you know, COVID disease, it’s very contagious. And you don’t want anything to do with that. Matter of fact, as Brittany alluded to, don’t listen to people that haven’t achieved the level of success that you desire, because they don’t even know what’s possible, especially if they haven’t done it themselves. And it’s not that they’re not great people and have the best intentions. But when they haven’t had the ability, or the vision or the thought process, to think outside the box and think exceptionally big, then normal for them is just everything else that they see in front of them. And it is I mean, I’d love to talk on this for hours and hours because I think this is we’re so we so buy into this concept so easily that we give up and the great things are just around the corner. But we don’t have the fortitude or the mental capability to keep us going to get there. And it’s a really a sad things and a lot of people’s dreams and visions of the future are just killed by listening to people that have no idea what they’re talking about. And so, you know, if I could share a message, you know, do you want to communicate to others is pursue your dreams, regardless of what anybody says and make sure you’re looking for people that have a similar vision, and listen to them and seek their advice, because they’re the ones that are going to actually help you turn the impossible into the inevitable.

Brittany Anderson 10:20

Hey, Brittany here, stopping and pausing for a moment to talk about something that we’ve had so many of you inquire about, and that is our ultimate advisor, mastermind. Now, I’m going to start by saying if you are not a growth minded individual, if you are not somebody who’s focused on taking your business to the next level, if you’re not focused on engaging your team, and helping them to help you in turn, level up the business, the service model, how you provide that wow experience to clients. If those things are not your focus, just fast forward right now, because the ultimate adviser mastermind would not then be for you. However, if you are looking to take your business to the next level, if you want to experience exponential growth and feel supported along the way, if you want to start working smarter and not harder, if you want to help your team members to work within the God given talents that they were provided, and use those skill sets in a way they haven’t yet to help support you in your business, to help them realize their biggest goals, their biggest dreams. If you want creative approaches to marketing, I know that can be an intimidating word. But we’re not talking here about the fancy Facebook stuff, or you know, the latest and greatest, but rather looking at how you can market what you do, how you can express how you’re different, and how you can truly differentiate yourself in a crowded market space. If those are problems you’re looking to solve, then you absolutely want to go check out ultimate advisor mastermind.com To learn more about how we can help you on your path and

Bryan Sweet 12:18

Draye, love your thoughts.

Draye Redfern 12:22

Thanks Bryan. This is something that I think, again, we all have such a symmetry or congruence see in what we believe. We’ve quoted it before it was Dr. Marshall Goldsmith has this quote, either you create and control your environment or your environment will create control you. And when you’re around negative people, just like Bryan said, it’s contagious. That’s your environment. If there’s nasty people around you, then there’s a good chance that you will embody many, if not all of those characteristics. And as a result of that, you have to make the oftentimes hard decision to remove those people from your life. I’ve had to do this twice, I have two very distinct periods, or like literally months of my life in the last 12 to 15 years, where I have made cuts, or I have outgrown people, that they were no longer serving me not like they’re serving me. And like, you know, I’m so high and mighty at all, by any means, but serving me in a matter of supporting me being the shoulder to cry on or uplifting and supportive or the permission or saying you can do it versus why would you do that. That’s not the sort of thing I take enough chances in life and in business and all of these things that I like make moves that I need people be like, You know what, good for you. And there are two distinct periods in my life that I could say I’ve cut those people out, it is not that easy. And some people don’t even like they’ll they never want to talk to you again. In fact, I’ve told my team this many times. And it’s really incredible to have literally had a conversation three weeks ago with one of the guys on my team saying, Draye I just got done making my cuts, because he’s heard me talk about this for the last year or so. And he’s been around some negative people that have had an effect on him. And he finally did that. So I asked him about it, like, you know, immediately afterwards, like you know, I don’t know how I feel about it. A week later it goes you know, it’s one of the best things that I’ve ever done, is choosing not to listen to those naysayers. But that’s not always easy, because they may be your mother or your father or you know these sorts of people in your life. And that’s a tough thing to do. And I can really empathize with that. But back to the Goldsmith’s quote, that you either create control your environment or your environment creates and controls you. So if you can’t make the cut, then create a different environment that you were uplifted significantly more than you are in your current environment, which you are with as a spouse or a parent, whoever that may be. Because it’s the old adage, you know, with a lot of people, especially the naysayers, they’re usually jealous of the success or the direction that you’re taking or that you have the boldness to make a decision that they do not feel confident they could ever make for themselves. So there’s only two ways to have the tallest building in town, you either build it yourself, or you tear down every other building around you until yours is the tallest. And that’s what a lot of naysayers choose to do. And so my building will be the tallest. But it’s going to be surrounded by a lot of other really tall buildings of people just like me, who we all uplift each other, because I don’t give a dang about destroying any other people or the mentality or any of that low energy sort of mentalities. And so the sort of methodology that I use internally is that, and then it doesn’t make anything you know, rainbows and new smiley you everything easy. But if it won’t matter in five years, I will not be more than upset about it for more than five minutes. That’s it. So if it doesn’t matter in five years from now, that I’m not going to give it any more than five minutes of my attention, or focus, or whatever it is, because let’s be honest, life can be difficult ups and downs and business relationships going good or bad, or whatever the scenario is, but I’m not playing the short game. I’m not playing it this month, or this quarter, or even this year, I’m playing the long game, my vision we talked about it previously, is very, very long, and very big. And it’s more than what most people can accomplish or do in a short amount of time. And so it’s not going to matter in five years, it will not get more than five minutes of my attention about worrying about it. And those two things, making the cuts of the people who bring it down and controlling the environment. And really, you know, giving the attention to the focus of the filter of if it doesn’t matter in five years. And if people are naysaying or whatever it is, I will not give them more than five minutes of my attention. Those two things combined and made it a lot easier for me to have the systems to be you know, what, just disregard the naysayers and just move past it because they don’t matter anyway, Brittany.

Brittany Anderson 16:56

I could feel the steam coming off of that one. You know, yeah, I think there’s there’s so much to be said here. And before I go into the main takeaways, I think there’s a point to bring out and that’s that, if you think about it, no day is promised, right? Like, there’s no guarantee that you’re gonna go to bed tonight. And you’re actually gonna wake up tomorrow morning. So when you think about it from that perspective, why on earth do we as human beings allow ourselves to spend even more than five seconds of your time allowing negativity to infiltrate your life. And the example that I think about here, and I think this is especially relevant to the high achieving advisor, which if you’re listening to this, I would bet you fall into that category, because otherwise you wouldn’t be taking the time to listen to a podcast focused on success. So I think about the analogy, actually, Dan Sullivan, founder of Strategic coach, and author, Dr. Benjamin Hardy wrote a book called Gap vs Game coming out here shortly. And the whole premise of this, if you are allowing negativity into your life, and I use this example, if you’re allowing somebody to tell you that your ambitions are too big, that you know, what you want, isn’t realistic, that it’s stupid, that they don’t understand it, that, you know, whatever it is that negativity that’s being brought, what is going to happen is it’s going to create a waterfall effect of negativity in your life. So yeah, it might be frustrating in that interaction with that person where you’re like, God, I just need to, you know, limit my time, whatever with them. But what happens is, is all of a sudden, you start kind of spiraling and going into what Dan Sullivan calls the gap, where you’re measuring everything in your life against how far you have to go, Well, maybe they’re right. Maybe they’re, you know, I have so far to go before I even scratched the surface on this big dream, goal, hope whatever it is of mine, I’m just going to stop because they’re probably right, I’ve got way too far to go. And it’s just not worth it. So you start spiraling versus thinking about, Wow, look how far I’ve come and look at what I have overcome. And look at what I have achieved and look at all the things in my life that I thought were impossible that I did. That proved to not be impossible that you know, Bryan, Bryan gave that adage of moving from impossible to improbable to what was the last one Bryan? inevitable, inevitable? Yes. So you know, when you think about that, we all have so many great examples in our life of times we’ve overcome things that we thought weren’t going to be possible. If you let somebody or let any sort of sense of negativity creep into your life, it is going to affect you. And I think about it this way, too. Let’s just say you have a difficult client or a difficult team member or difficult whatever that you’re dealing with in your business. It is not always easy to go home and shut that off. So then all of a sudden, even though you may not be talking about what happened you’re tense and your mood is different, and you’re just frustrated. And people feel that they feel that in you. So again, when you think about no day being guaranteed or promised, then what in the world are we allowing ourselves to spend our time and attention and things that just don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. And I love that analogy of, if it doesn’t matter in five years, you shouldn’t spend more than five minutes even thinking about it. So before I go into the top takeaways, anything else that that either of you gentlemen would like to chime in on.

Bryan Sweet 17:44

This, we’ll be recording and probably played back either slightly after the Olympics or during the Olympics. And if you think about it, if all the people that are participating in the Olympics, or let, let everybody tell them that they can’t be the fastest runner, they can’t be the best swimmer, they wouldn’t be a pretty boring Olympics, because no one would show up. And I just love what Britney and Draye said. And sometimes you can’t completely get away from negative people. I mean, maybe they’re, you know, like you say, your parents or sister a brother, but you can limit the amount of time you have to spend with them. And the key is, being conscious of it. And then take being proactive in what you do and how you react to it. Because too much time in any negative thing will not generate anything positive. So I love this topic. And I think it’s so powerful, if we use it for positive reasons.

Brittany Anderson 21:45

Could not agree more. So let’s go into the top three takeaways. Number one, I encourage everybody to go through this exercise, and it can be a tough one. But what I want you to do is make a list of people in your life who drain your energy, who you know, maybe breed some of that negativity, who you don’t feel good after being around, and then start giving yourself permission to limit your time and your exposure with them. And again, I’ll say this, that, you know, people don’t always realize that they’re negative. I mean, I can think of family members in my own life who they don’t, they don’t know that they’re truly negative or being negative in in many different settings. So it’s not that they’re bad people, it’s just that they don’t know any other way to be, or have chosen not to be any other way. So make a list of those people. And just give yourself permission to limit your time and attention. Number two, is all around protecting your energy. And I think Bryan and Draye both brought up a couple of good examples of this, of how there are going to be people in your life that you can’t completely avoid, again, parents, grandparents, close friends that are close proximity, family members, you know, spouses, whatever it might be, there’s going to be people that you can’t completely avoid. So I think the other thing that needs to happen here is that if you are in a position in your life, where you can’t eliminate that negative energy completely, you need to find out how to protect your peace. So some of that can be you know, going for a walk outside, getting your workouts in diligently, you know, doing something that’s for you, that serves you that makes you feel good that can again, boost your energy back up. Because we understand like Draye said, it’s not all roses and sunshine all the time. And you can’t just buy a magic wave of a wand be like Oh, no, no more taking negativity in this life. There’s things that come up, there’s things that happen, and there’s people that you can’t completely avoid. So just understanding what does it take for you to feel that your energy is protected, and doing the things that are needed to actually protect your peace and make sure that you don’t fall into that trap of being negative yourself because you’re around negative people. The third takeaway is to decide what the heck it is you want. You know, we talk and mentioned about how people might not understand your biggest ambitions or your biggest dreams or what your biggest goals are for your future. And I’ll say that a lot of times, what this really comes down to, is if you don’t have true conviction behind what you’re doing, and why you’re doing it, it can become easy to let others opinions or outside influences pull you off course. So there’s a quote that I put into almost every presentation that I’ve ever done. And it’s to be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire. And I think that’s something that we all owe to ourselves is deciding what is that thing that you’re willing to go to bat for in your life that you are willing to, you know, no holds barred, go after with all your might, because it’s meaningful and because you have true conviction behind it, then go after it and all the noise and the naysaying and whatever else might come your way. It’s gonna be really easy to take that baseball bat and swing those things right back at that person or right back out into space, get rid of negativity and only allow the positive to come in, because you know what you’re doing is meaningful. So that wraps up today’s episode of your ultimate advisor podcast. We’ll be right back here with you in a couple short weeks. Hey there, Brittany Anderson here. If you are loving what you’re hearing on our Ultimate Advisor Podcast, don’t keep us a secret. Share us with other advisors that you think would benefit from the messages that you are hearing. The easiest way to do that is to simply send them to ultimate advisor podcast.com. And if you want to learn a few other ways that we could potentially serve you as an advisor, go check out ultimate advisor mastermind.com. As always, we are so happy to have you here with us as part of the Ultimate Advisor community and we look forward to a continued relationship.